


Barista? A cup of self confidence please!

by anicedoncoffee



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Bull ridding machine, M/M, Multichaptered, Plot, Reincarnation, Self Confidence, Shyness, Slow Build, akward encounter, awkwardness due to previous bullying, ereri, side Jean/Marco - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-20
Updated: 2018-01-09
Packaged: 2018-12-04 19:54:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 16,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11562210
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anicedoncoffee/pseuds/anicedoncoffee
Summary: Eren is a writer and he goes to this comfy coffeeshop everyday to write, but Eren has always been really self conscious and awkward about everything he does.Let's say that the brunette always knows how to put himself in really stressful(in his point of view) and embarrassing situations.Everything was ok in his life until that day where he embarrassed himself in front of a stranger. (By stranger I mean Levi)This stranger however is the most beautiful man Eren has ever seen in his life, and no matter how many times he tries to run away from him he always somehow manages to encounter him more than once. And something tells me it's not a coincidence.This fic features: shy!writer!Eren, barista!Marco, worker!leviAnd other aot characters...





	1. Sweet vanilla iced and hot dark roast

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! Glad you clicked on my first fic here * still trying to figure out how everything works*  
> Anyways, this fic came up in my mind when I was in this starbuck one day and I started writing it kinda long time ago.  
> So before you read I just want to say that I don't really know were this fic is going ( I have some ideas but I just need to put the pieces together) so my updates are going to be pretty iregulate just a warning :3  
> Also English is not my native language so sorry for mistakes I haven't seen. ( I really tried to "dodge" some of them :') ).  
> Also Levi doesn't have much POV for the moment but I really wanted to focus on Eren and explain why he is like this. And I know that for some people the situations Eren is dealing with are nothing , or easy to forget and to get through, but that's the problem of anxiety, every worries and little problems are chocking you ( at least that's how I feel when I'm anxious)  
> And I'm saying this but I don't suffer from an anxiety disorder I just try to take facts from around me and some personal experience with stress and anxiety. ( and I send a big hug to you if you read this and have an anxiety disorder cause this must be really hard to deal with and you are very strong so * huge hug*).  
> Anyways this is way to long :')  
> ENJOY  
> (I dedicate this fic to pockesized Titan and their fic called "the little Titan cafe" that is amazingly well written )

Barista? A cup of self confidence please!

Chapter 1 : sweet vanilla iced and hot dark roast 

I was writing away, already at page 100 of my new novel, some drops of light rain were to be seen on the coffee shop's window. I took a sip from my vanilla iced coffee and sat deeper into the couch of my usual booth. I stretched, it as been straight up 6hours of not moving from my seat, while writing like a maniac and reordering approximately 8 coffee mugs, that is to say I was tired and loosing inspiration. When this happens I space out, for example, one day I spent 5 minutes thinking about the meaning of human lives and the importance of the universe. But when I came back from my "spacing out" I was mid-opened mouth, practically drooling and staring at the I though empty wall that was now occupied by a small lady, that was probably scarred for life....yeah I'm usually this awkward.  
I tried to motivate myself once more to at least finish a chapter but it was no use, my laptop was already closed and my mind just wanted some peace. I got out my little black sketch book and did what I usually do which is "getting inspiration " (which is in reality creepily stare at strangers untill I noticed a something that could be used to create new characters in my stories).  
The coffee shop was pretty empty, it was filled with the smell of freshly brewed coffee and wet fabric, (since the light spring rain wasn't planning on stopping anytime soon), it was oddly quiet and only the sound of the barista's moping job was heard.  
My "getting inspiration " routine was in stand by, nobody really "story worthy" tonight.  
There was only this tall douche who was always staring at the poor freckled barista's ass. And in the back there was just normal college students and probably people working on unfinished essays.  
I started to pack my stuff it was getting late and inspiration went on a holiday to Hawaii. I stuffed my dark green eastpack and left the booth leaving my receipts on the table "too lazy to put them in the trash right now" as I said this to myself I went out the front door.  
I was walking pretty fast (like I always do) passing people that were going at a slow pace on a frecking small street. I almost fell on my ass on this sidewalk just because a couple of old ladies were having a friendly tea party reunion on the goddam pavement , these type of people drive me so mad, if I wasn't so tired I would teach every goddam impolite pedestrian some good manners Jesus... (Even though I wouldn't even have the courage to say hello to them).  
Anyways it's funny also how old people are always critizing the youth for being on their "pho-  
"My phone...." I flipped my jacket's pockets, then ran my hands through my jean's pockets and "ass pockets " but no signs of my precious rose gold iPhone that made me sacrifice 6 months worth of work. "Shit!"  
I found a low bench, I almost threw my bag on it out of pure anger, but I still contained myself since people were already staring at me. Pretty normal considering that a boy was literally talking to himself as he was vigorously checking every corner and inch of his bag like he had lost the secret to immortality.  
The results were that I've maybe lost a phone that cost me the price of an organ, I had to rush back to the coffee shop that was already far away and it just started to rain very strongly and of course big goofy me broke the only umbrella He posses.  
" great...just great....."

I Was back at the coffeeshop and I'm pretty sure the moment I walked in I wanted to kill myself:  
1st the all frecking coffee shop was staring at me and my poor fucking soaked face, moreover I was covered in rain water from head to toe with drops dripping from my hair, that probably looked like an old mop at this point , and to top it all I dropped water everywhere and of course I just noticed that the barista had just finished moping the floor.  
But as I walked further in, ignoring the stares and whispers, I saw someone sitting at my booth. I walked towards my old seat were this stranger was now seating.  
I was starting to get anxious, I really didn't wanted to say goodbye forever to my rose fricking gold iPhone, but what was I going to say?" Hey douchebag, mind giving me my cell back?", plus I didn't even know if he stole it in the first place, what was I ? A muggler?Fuck my heart is to tired for this...I knew that I was going to be awkward even if it's a stranger that I will probably never see again but I'm to fucking shy to ask anything. Even if I'm in the right to ask a normal question like "good evening sir have you perhaps seen a gold rosé iPhone around here?" I'm pathetic..( shit,shit,shit).  
I was 10inches from the table,my heart was pounding and I was probably already red ( I wasn't even going to fight with my blush at this point...).  
Not knowing what to do and completely stressed out I slammed my hand on the table, making the few other booths turn around, I looked up and stare....just stared at him thinking about how I fucked up, how I could possibly be more stupid. The person at my booth was attractive...scratch that.....he was stunning.  
Shit I look like a total idiot now, (ABORT MISSION ENGAGED).  
I turned around feeling his cold eyes staring right at my soul and my shame, I simply ignored every eyes and bad looks and ran out like the coward that I am.  
When I passed the door I didn't even bother to fight with the weather , I just walked in the rain stepping into puddles feeling my heart ache, it maybe looked like I'm was making a big of a deal but...no. This whole coffee shop probably thinks I'm a lunatic that just enters slams a (gorgeous) but random person's table and run out like a scared little hamster.  
I've always been like this , walking away from opportunities,choices,friends even relationships just because I'm scared of what people are going to think about me or because I'm always doing something awkward or because I'm even to shy to do stuff like asking for an information.  
I walked faster felt my face melting into " that face " the face of the start of a depression, my jawed clenched and looked liked it won't be able to smile for a while.  
I know why it's happening, it's because I always think of what could of happened if I haven't been born with this constant shyness...

I got home and did my "night routine". I didn't feel like eating anything so I just changed, brushed my teeth , plugged my laptop to the power outlet and went to bed.  
I wanted to write some more just to forget what happened, I actually felt kind of inspired to write one chapter on a second character's backstory (witch was pretty dark). I closed my laptop and put it on my bedside table pushing some unfinished novels and manga. I focused on my room for a minute, didn't know why, guess it just made me relax....

The walls were white, with the classic fabric sofa and glass coffee table that everyone has, there was my old wooden desk were there was a single pen holder with a pile of paper, above it was just this enormous painting of a turtle, I didn't even know we're it came from and who made it...I just liked it.  
Then there was the typical kitchenette meant for non-cookers like me and to finish my wardrobe and shelf where there was my collection of books and gemstones. 

I shifted a hand to my bedside table and turned the lights of carefully not to budge my precious blue-greyish gem, it was my favorite it has just so much meaning:  
the grey made it look like a simple rock but the blue shift of it made it look like a crystal, this gem was like a metaphor for a mess that was struggling not to fall apart...or like a rising Phoenix that reborns outs of his ashes. And the meaning I see in this "rock" makes it look 1000 times better.  
After my stone rambling I fell back on my pillows staring at the white ceiling trying to think about stuff to make me fall asleep, like thinking about the positive things of my day (doesn't happen really often though) ,listening to the outdoor noises or falling asleep to imagining the following of my stories....I suddenly thought about eyes, and then those magnificent eyes came in sight and inspiration hit me. I stood up, grabbed my laptop and started the new chapter.

It was 2am my newborn chapter was engaged and I took a good look at it and felt something that I didn't feel in years it was : "pride" this chapter was perfect, I finally found the spin that I was looking for, the character that I needed and I didn't took inspiration from a certain person not at all..*cough**cough*.  
It just needed a name, the most struggling thing ever, maybe I will go back to the coffee shop after all....

The next day I was back, I almost ran to the coffee shop, I had an enormous grin on my face and every parts of my body were melting in anticipation. The moment I pushed the door I rushed to my booth and sat there...waiting and waiting, staring at the table creepily. Eventually the barista showed up and asked if I wanted anything.  
Something hit me, I shifted my head to meet the barista's face, he was smiling nervously.  
I suddenly fell back in the couch looking depressed, seeing the barista's concerned look i decided to finally reply to him " a long dark roast please"  
"Coming right up !".  
I didn't know what I was expecting really, maybe I thought that when I entered the coffee shop I would have my iPhone and a stunning stranger (that I would probably never meet again) all wrapped in a nice gift paper with a big red ribbon for me to open, right here on my table? God I really am an idiot. here's another one of my many qualities : getting excited and worked up for something that's never going to happen in a million years. I kinda stood up reaching for my bag, lazily grabbing my laptop out of it and messily placed it on the table. The fact that I only got 4 hours of sleep last night wasn't even a problem anymore, those remaining 6 chapters were due in one week and my editor wasn't kidding on kicking my ass if I didn't respect the deadline. My fingers slowly brushed the keys to my password and I opened the word page I started last night. I reread what i wrote and I corrected some typos here and there...then I came to the part where I described the "eyes" and the magnificent colors I saw in them. I couldn't quite pick all of them up though it's a shame, I will never see him again anyways "sigh".  
Suddenly in the corner of my eye I saw a shadow, it was only the barista that was finished with my order, he simply put the mug on the table, smiled and left. This guy....is he really ever mad or depressed? He is always smiling! Not that it is unpleasant but.....I wish I could be like that, I wish I could be mature enough to not care about the little shitty parts of our short lives...but hey at least there is coffee right?  
I took a sip from my dark roast, it was...reviving and hot, exactly what I needed ( no dirty joke intended :)) ). I continued my chapter, the typos were all gone and I could finally finish it, the new character was doing well, but the fact that some element of his face were missing, kind of slowed me down on the writing process. I took another sip and the front door opened, making a tiny bell ring. The barista shouted a "welcome" from his coffee machine, I immediately raised my head up, hoping that he would still come, what am I even thinking really? Imagine that I meet this guy again...what am I going to do? Say: " hey I'm the awkward soaked teenager that slammed your table yesterday for no reason, wanna hang out sometimes?".I don't even think that I will be able to say anything to him,I'm just going to blush in terror and discretely glare at him from my table. I let out a sigh of despair, I could always bring out the "I lost my phone" subject but...I think I just needed to let this go. With all of this thinking I didn't really see who entered, and it probably don't matter anyways because it's not-.  
It was him.  
For fuck's sake can my heart have a break? Here it goes again the joy of a nice sprinting heartbeat and heating of my already redish skin, as I began to panic I noticed that the man didn't saw me yet. At this realization my entire body wanted to leave and run a marathon away from him,but my brain wanted me to buy him a nice cup of coffee. And here I was my bag halfway on my shoulder, my ass 5inch up from my seat, one foot under the table, and another ready to leave.  
A voice interrupted my confused escape and I simply heard  
" is this a new way to do squats or..?"  
Him out of all the people of this town, planet and galaxy was a second time confronted to my social and anxious awkwardness. I was indeed looking like a really ungraceful gymnast or a rare species of dumbass duck.  
The man was glaring at me and it was as if I could hear his thoughts about me being the weirdest person he's ever seen. I was again taking way to much time to answer so I giggle nervously and tried to take a deep breath, without any luck.  
" no ah-ah..I was actually about to leave " I responded in the calmest voice I could manage to make. " ok that's cool and all but I would like to pass please, unless you're still mad at me from taking YOUR booth yesterday "  
This went like a needle to my heart, no ,not a needle, an enormous rusty blade.  
You know I'm the type of person that can deal with small painful situations that can happen everyday. ( well not anything incredible but still) a car horning at me,I'm ok, a character death, takes me 10minutes to recover, some family arguments, I'm not emotionally destroyed , people passing me in the line, I feel nothing, people not pronouncing my name right, it's okay.But remembering me some embarrassing situations, if I'm not in front of an important person the tears fall on their own, it's always been like that ,even though it's ridiculous, but everybody has wicknesszes right? I luckily kept my waterworks from turning on but my expression certainly changed to the "I'mtryingrealhardnottocrysobenicepls" face. And just by looking at the other man's face I was even more sure of it, his glare softened and maybe, just maybe I saw the tiniest hint of guilt in those steel blueish eyes of his. Now that I think about it I have more time to register the colors. His voice interrupted me again  
"Anyways brat, I really need some caffeine so please let me pass"  
I quietly moved out of the way and sat back into my booth


	2. Energizing Caramel macchiato and touchy double shot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey , so chapter two is here  
> I wanted to thank the people who left kudos and the people who subscribed to this fic, it really boosts me to write more and it makes me happy to see that people appreciate what I write so thank you very very much <3  
> good news are : I know where this fic is going now.( kind of)  
> There is a Levi POV in this chapter,  
> and I added some reincarnation elements cause I fucking love the concept. ( sorry for the people who don't really like reincarnation, I will add it to the tags for the future)  
> Also hange is present in this chapter I used she, because I always though that hange was a girl. BUT of course I respect other pronouns for hange , so you can use the one you like more, and if you want me to make this chapter with "they" I will do it , just ask me :)  
> Sorry again for eventual typos  
> Okay so let's go for chapter 2

Barista? A cup of self confidence please! 

Chapter 2 : Energizing Caramel macchiato and touchy double shot 

 

I woke up with a start, I dreamt of falling from a skyscraper again. I read somewhere that those dreams meant that something was on your mind, maybe the encounter of yesterday had to do something with it.  
I rested my back on my headboard and opened my laptop, I read some of the lines I wrote yesterday night. This time I had the eye color right , I also talked about his other features like his jawline and his collar bones. Did I really stared that long? I must've looked like a total creep omg. While I was walking towards my kitchenette for breakfast, some thoughts came across my mind,  
what's my deal with this guy anyways? I don't even know his name. I want to see him again, I want to get to know him, but with the way the things are going will I ever have the courage to ?  
Like he is nothing more than a really gorgeous guy I use for my story for the moment, but just the fact that he talked to me and called me a brat is almost making me fall for him, even though he is really out of my league, so this thought needs to go away. Does he even like guys?  
I took a spoonful of froot loops, and typed lazily some more plot elements to detail later. I shouldn't want to see him again, unless I want to start a conversation with him, but we all know that this is never going to happen anyways. Besides he probably hates my guts and I don't know what are his interests, but fuck..like for an author like me his beauty is not something I see everyday, and how many people I've seen in this coffee shop? With all this thinking i almost chocked on a blue fruit loop, if I continue to think about him for 1 more second I'm going to choke to death and that's not good for my cardiac system. He have to stay just a beautiful muse for my book, even if it's tempting, I don't want to experience rejection again. I decided to go to the cafe sooner than usual to not run into him. I arrived and the delicious sent of chocolate hit me, the sugary smell guided my eyes towards the freshly glazed chocolate donuts, the shine of the old school lights hanging above the counter were shinning in the sweet pastries. I stared at them with children eyes, I couldn't think of anything else.  
A small laugh interrupted me, it was the barista, I came back to my senses and asked If i could have one with a caramel macchiato, I tried to hide my already,and ever, present blush.  
While the freckled barista was grabbing my donut, I really wanted to ask his name, without sounding too weird. I hesitated, and with all the courage I could manage to find I decided to ask him, plus it has been 2 months since I started going to this cafe everyday , I decided that I had nothing to risk, except my already destroyed dignity. I got out the cash to pay while I tried to mumble ,totally panicked,my question the best I could. " hey-um if you don't mind me asking what's your name?" " oh it's simply written here on my badge it's Marco" .  
And that was my attempt at social interaction, nope never doing that shit again, I wanted to bury myself in sand. I tried to speak again and only managed a little " oh...", at this moment Marco is a real nice and gentle souled person or he just pities me a lot, because he quickly said : " It's alright you know most of the people don't notice it either.."  
I looked at the name tag who was written in bold letters, I then looked at Marco again, he had a nervous angelic smile and I decided that this person couldn't have negative thoughts. So I tried to hide the enormous cringe attack I was having with myself.  
I replied whith a small smile and a " yhea..I-I guess "  
We were now both smiling awkwardly while my macchiato was filling up. Marco went to grab the caramel sauce, I was alone in the whole coffee shop, so I had nothing to focus my gaze on, but a cork board that was empty before, had now multiple flyers and adds, they were about future concerts and shows, wait what? How am I going to be able to write with people dancing and cheering, more importantly will their be a booth left for me? Or are they going to be reserved?  
To many questions were flowing in my head as I saw my last chapters never finished, or finished in another coffee shop with a new ambiance and faces that I'll have to adapt to,Just the thought of it made me shiver. I turned my destabilized attention back to Marco that came back with my coffee.  
" here you go, oh? You are interested in the dance night?" " the dance night?"  
" yhea there will be music and drinks for regular customers or whoever wants to join in, you think you could make it there? I try to gather as much people as I can "  
I looked at Marco unsure, but after the name tag thing, the little guilt I was feeling towards him made me decide  
" yhea I guess I could come, but I would like to write, so can I have a reserved booth away from the crowd?"  
" awesome! And sure I can totally do that for you, I need your name for the reservation and because I wanna know your name too" He giggle lightly and I finished our conversation with a smile and a "it's Eren and thanks a lot! ".  
Marco handed me a little red flyer, it was written " the no name cafe dance night april 9th from 9pm to 1am ".  
So it was the day after tomorrow, well i could still...  
I suddenly felt blocked by something, I raised my head,but didn't see anything, but a really familiar voice brought me back to my senses.  
" Hey, look down there" I lowered my head terrorized and said scratching my head " oh-oh it's you" " yes it's me, are you trying to make fun of my height ?"  
" no..not-at all!!" "Anyways get out of my way", he pushed my arm and got to the counter. I just stood there, angry,fustrated,even though I shouldn't be, he is just a muse for my book, and he will never be anything else, we don't even know each other's names and this will never change. I felt defeated again, as pathetic as it sounds I wanted to get out of here and cry. My hands were already on the handle of the coffee shop's entrance, I thighed my grip around the handle, you know what I'm tired of this, I'm going to get his name, and nothing will change that, tired of my cowardliness, I didn't want to loose him, my sixth sense was telling me that we were somehow, connected.  
I let go of the door, turned around, clenched my fists and walked towards him, his glare was on the counter. I was now facing him, I took a big breath and grabbed his wrist to get his full attention and also because I was scared, he looked up at me with the calmest expression ever, I looked at him directly in the eyes and said " why? Why passing right by me? I don't think I ever did anything wrong to you? So why not introduce ourselves like normal strangers who saw each other two or three times? We don't even know our names,but it only takes a minute, so why not give me a chance and just tell me your name? "  
I haven't realized that I talked a little louder than usual, I was breathing kinda heavily and I was still holding his wrist. I let go of it before he could punch me or something,  
Instead I held out my hand "I'm Eren" he still had the same expression, and he was still looking deep into my eyes. He just replied by " Levi " he refused my hand but he brushed some dirt of the shoulders of my shirt, The sudden wave of physical contact, brought me back to my really insecure self, I stepped back, I was almost trembling from my spontaneous courage that took over my body for a moment. Levi was still looking at me, he either wanted to strangle me or he was waiting for a response, or something from me. The problem is that it's the first time in my stressed existence, that I didn't plan what I was going to do after introducing ourselves. I guess that's the problem when you want to live in yolo mode, isn't there a manual or something to help me?  
I started to sweat " um...I..I gotta go see you later Levi!"  
" what...?"  
And that's how I made a fool out of myself for the 3rd time in front of this guy. How does he still agrees to talk to me? I really am the biggest idiot on this planet, I start a conversation and run away from it, well at least I know his name now, I should be satisfied, I should not want more from this newborn encounter but...I'm fucked am I ?  
I tried to think of where I would go , since the coffee shop was not an option anymore, I should probably stop by Armin's place on the way, just to talk about my book, He always have good ideas. 

Levi POV  
"Ok so I was just left hanging, by that pain in the neck of a brat, seriously this guy really needs to chill,and he doesn't even remember that he lost his phone,he is just a weird teen that's all Hange, and nothing else! And no I'm not going after him"  
" but LEVIIIIIIIIII , you know me! I need you to tell me every details of your sweet love stories for my online radio show "  
" this is not a love story and I really don't want to know what you freak do in your free time, I gotta go, and if you ever mention my name out there I'll kill you"  
" so your going to listen to it if I do ?"  
"See you at work "  
" yhea go you lover bo--"  
I hung up right on time. Ok so maybe I lied just a tiny little bit. Yes I was going to this coffee shop on purpose just to see him, not in a creepy way, it's just that I have the feeling I've seen him before somewhere..I swear his bright eyes, bed hair and cute boyish face of his reminds me of something or rather someone?  
When did I become so poetic? And did I just say "cute"? What's wrong with me? I'm addicted to this weird kid all of the sudden, the worst part is that I try to stay away but I keep going back for more.  
I sigh deeply, and sank into my big black armchair, I was still at the cafe, I sat at the small tables next to the red booths, I should probably go but if I arrive early at work I will have to go trough more of hange's bullshit, so a few more minutes here is good.  
I sipped a bit of my earl grey and tried to make sense out of this. So this boy had courage, not that much, but still, he grabbed my wrist, the last guy who did that received a kick to the crotch. I raised my sleeve and slightly brushed my other hand on the spot he had grabbed me before, it was still lightly red, since my skin was porcelain it was marked easily.Maybe it wasn't a bad idea to try and ignore him, well at first it was for my sake, I wanted to get him out of my system, but it did all of the contrary. I was still rubbing my wrist, realizing what I was doing I shook my head and took a big sip of earl grey, finishing the cup, I felt like somebody was watching me, I turned my head right and saw the barista, almost smirking, I swear to god everyone in this cafe is nuts.  
I grabbed my stuff and head out, rapidly putting my sleeve back on, " what is wrong with me ?" I muttered as I walked to the office. I work in a building not far from here, I'm a character designer for various companies, it could be video game,movie, animation and even books. I always work with my partner Hange, which is the biggest freak on this planet, but she ended up being my best friend, I still don't know how to this day. Since various companies hire us we move offices pretty frequently, but since the assholes we are working with right now are being picky we have maybe 3 months to live here,which is not bad. I like this city, surprisingly.  
I arrived in front of the building , pushed the ridiculously heavy door (even for me), and made my way to the couch that was currently our work space , we had 30minutes before a meeting with the video game creators, and we were suppose to discuss on some sketches Hange had made.  
I entered the sofa room and saw Hange with 2 big folders, she immediately asked questions about "the boy ", I was still traumatized by what I did in the cafe that so I didn't even answer her, I simply sat next to her and snatch the folders before she could blackmail me or something. I opened them,but suddenly even the babbling of Hange became inaudible , my gaze was fixed on what Hange had drawn, the green cloaks, the equipment, those wings. What do they mean to me? Why do I feel connected to it?  
" Levi? Levi!? Oh Levi ? " Hange was shaking me back to reality, my eyes were wide open with an inexplicable shock. "Yeah um-sorry, I really like those sketches by the way " " whoa, an actual compliment, what's going on with you?" " shut up, I always give compliments " " of course Levi, especially bad ones" " well they are still compliments!"  
"Sure, anyways you haven't seen the last of it yet, turn the pages" " wait that's me!"  
" exactly! " " and why on earth would you do that?" " I just felt like it" I continue to turn the pages, everyone was wearing the same uniforms, there was a small blonde, what looked like a female version of me, a tall blonde, a very small girl, a brunette with some kind of weird ponytail, a girl with a potato in her hand, a bald small guy and " you drew yourself ? " " well of course,I drew you I draw me" "tss" I turned the next page, analyzed it for a moment, and froze again. " Eren ?" " who is Eren ?" " Hange how did you created all of those characters?" " well, to be honest with you I didn't totally create them this time, for the first time in my carrier I dreamt , and had vague images of those people in my head. I just though about it " " I feel like I know them Hange...like I've seen them" " this is explainable, the only 2 possible explanations are we have seen these people in the past more than once, or we are reincarnated " " stop saying dumb shit" " think whatever you want shorty, but we both know that I'm rarely wrong" " so your telling me I remember Him because we had a past life where we were together , in some sort of military ? "  
" who?" " none of your business "10 seconds passed " ohhhh I see, HIS name is Eren, and he is almost identical to what I drew " " shut up !" " and you feel slightly attracted to him because you shared a past life together " "No!... Well, I don't know, I'm fucked aren't I?" " only if you want to be " " why haven't I killed you yet?" "Because you would be nothing without me!" " when did you become such an insolent little bit-" "-since did you become so romantic? "  
" I swear to god if you were not a women/my friend I would've kicked you so hard right now." . She was smirking to much today, way to much,she is cocky too which is a bad sign, I passed a hand on my face and took a deep breath " what did you do Hange ?"  
" what makes you say that?" " stop the sarcasm, I know you to well to ignore the constant smirking and cockiness. The last time you were like that you organized me a surprise birthday party." She giggled " okay, okay, I knew you were going to say that. Anyways I got to the office this morning, and you know there is always this little shelf thingy with flyers and adds on them" " yes..." " So since I was early, I took a look, and I found this baby, the cafe your are stalking your precious little Eren is the no name cafe right?"  
" for the hundredth time I'm not stalking him, and yeah the cafe is called " no name"  
So what is it that you found?" " I reserved a booth for me, you and Erwin at their dance night after tomorrow!" " YOU DID WHAT?" " No need to scream Levi ! I'm doing this to help " " there is no way in hell I'm going " " but you said that you felt like you knew him! This is the perfect occasion !" " I-I'm not even sure he's going !" Jesus Christ I'm nervous, what the hell is going on with my self control today? " got you ! So your are admitting that you want to see him ?" " I'm going to break every bones in your body "  
" it doesn't matter anyways, if he's not there it we'll be a fun night with just the three of us "  
" you little shit.." " oh Levi!! Is that a blush I see?" " No! I'm not a fucking schoolgirl thank you very much" " you right" " we've got to go the meeting, I'll let you know my answer tomorrow" 

Eren's POV  
" so you like the idea?" " definitely Eren I love it !"  
" thanks..." I've told Armin the ideas I had for my book, he liked every part of it, I wasn't used to praise, but Armin is one of the few people I'm comfortable with and I trust him with my life. I know he won't judge me, in fact he doesn't judge anyone. We also discussed about Mikasa , she was currently on a trip in Europe and we didn't know if she could make it this weekend to catch up with us. I really had to go it was late in the afternoon and little Eren had work to do " Armin? I' going to go okay? " the blond came running from the other side of the small apartment, the wooden floor made some creaks here and there, announcing Armin's arrival " you were going to forget your jacket!you already lost your phone !" " oh thanks and I totally dumb I know" as I took my black leather jacket, a small pice of red paper fell, it was the dance night add for the cafe! Before I could even move or talk, Armin already had the paper in his hands, he read it in seconds. I suddenly remembered my third weird ass encounter with Levi, a sudden shiver and some heat raised in my body at the same time, my face cringed at the reaction. Remembering Levi is never a good idea when I am in public, I am disturbed and slightly turned on...did I say turned on?  
" Eren ? Eren? Your are all red you okay?" " YES-hum-yes I'm alright " " I haven't seen you this red since your last high school crush " " I don't know what you are talking about" " anyways it seems like fun, you mind if I join you ?" " actually not at all, but I'm going to write, so the night is going to be fun,but I'm not going to be " " well I could bring Jean!"  
" fuck no" " c'mon Eren...if he's to annoying I'll put sleeping pills in his alcohol" " are you insane?" " well it's settled me you Jean and..." I really hope Levi is not going to be there, or this is going to be a nightmare, Jean is not going to let me leave the table, and he is probably going to put all of the attention on us with those drunk screaming of his. With my constant bad luck, the scenario of Jean blowing up my opportunity of getting to know Levi, is probably going to happen but I guess that's life...well my life.  
" well Armin you think about another human being I will have to socially interact with, to invite and I take care of the booth" " okay, if you don't want to invite Jean..." " I can bear it , besides I barely hang out with you guys" " thank you Eren, seen you later then " " sure!". And just like that the door closed and I was left alone with the night.

The next day, I wasn't expecting much, I just wanted to get work done before tomorrow, and did I mention that I only slept two hours ? Well my dark circles are here to prove it anyways. I honestly wasn't really aware of what I was doing. I think that if I survive this day, it's going to be a miracle. I got dressed with a blue navy sweater that I've put inside out without realizing and a grey pair of jeans, I then head out and walked safely to the cafe, if we forget about me almost walking into numerous poles, it's been a pleasant walk. I arrived and smiled to Marco and ordered a double shot. I yawned and rested my arms on the counter, I've put the cash on the little plastic thing and I was waiting for my coffee.  
Marco putted my coffee on the counter, I almost grabbed it when, I sight Levi walking towards the entrance, remembering my embarrassing introduction I ran to my booth forgetting my coffee on the counter, I tried to act normal with my laptop opened, but all I could think about were things like ' don't worry Eren everything is fine' ' breathe in breathe out ' ' you totally are not crushing on a guy you know nothing about' ' don't talk to him ' ' don't look at him and everything will be fine '.  
And like an idiot, I raise my head and I'm caught right in his gaze, I hit the bullseye, I sank in, I dived in this frozen wave of "Crush for this guy".  
And the worst part is that he was now walking towards me, why is this guy not allergic to awkward, and shy dumbass persons like me? He was too close for me to run again, he brushed is some locks of hair back, and stood right in front of me, talking with less ease than before. " you...forgot this" he handed me my abandoned coffee cup, " thank you " I didn't even dare to look at him in the eyes anymore I just fixed the cup, and this is were it happened, the cold electric shock that will never leave my right hand. When I tried to grab the cup his fingers were still on it, those slim fingers were not spaced out enough so mine fitted almost perfectly between his, except at some spots were they brushed each other, for what may seemed like 2 seconds, but an eternity for me, in those 2 seconds I collected all of the sensations and feelings, the surprising coldness, the rough skin, that appeared to be soft, and the light brush that felt like wind. I couldn't say a word, I just looked at him not knowing what to do or say, he was surprised too, or was he struck by those feelings too? Either way he felt awkward so awkward that he repeated my mistake and left with a " see-you later".  
The conclusion is : I'm never washing my right hand again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading \0/ <3  
> As always if something seems wrong ( plot /typos/incoherences) let me know!  
> Thank you so much guys, ~the next chapter should be up in a week or two~  
> Idk why there is two end notes:') I am really bad at this aren't I (:


	3. salty Chai latte and...vodka?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! So first of all , sorry for the delay, a lot of stuff was going on, and the worst part is, the next weeks will be even more busy, but I'll do my best with the updates of the 2,3 or even 4 remaining chapters.  
> If the reincarnation part is confusing, ask me all of the questions you want :)  
> Anyways thank you for taking the time to read my fic, I really appreciate it <3  
> Sorry again !  
> (I hope that everyone knows what I mean when I say bull riding machine, didn't know how to call it :') )  
> Enjoy !  
> Sorry for any typos I left over

Barista? A cup of self confidence please!

Chapter 3 : salty Chai latte and...vodka?

 

Tonight was the " dance night" at the cafe, and I wasn't prepared at all. I was just in pure denial of what was to come, I knew that if I started to worry I was going to have an anxiety attack, and I would end up in fetal position in a corner somewhere. I was going to imagine every nightmare scenario that could happen. And if Jean and Levi are coming, I know that this night will be a disaster. I looked at my right hand again, "arghh", I let out a groan of despair, I was in too deep know hm? Well good job Eren, your shy ass fell in love with a stranger, I slammed my hands on my face. Marco was passing by, with a plate full of drinks " You alright Eren?" " yes sure..." I managed to say between my hands, "if you say so" he replied with a small smirk, what's up with him?  
I didn't have the time to focus on this, or my lost phone, or the pleasant life I was living anymore. Levi is the only thing I could think about every damn hour, it was the only person I didn't want to stupidly loose. I felt attracted to him in a way that couldn't be explained. Even if he didn't like guys, even if he hated me, I would never feel this warmth around my heart again,this feeling of mixed hate and pure admiration and....love? Yes we didn't interact much the past few days, we haven't interacted at all, but still we had this look in our eyes this feeling of knowing each other right away, and this shyness between us yesterday and the fact that he somehow cared about what I was, those weren't supposed to be signs? Even though I thought he seemed cold and kind of aggressive with me, why did he sort of insist on crossing my path? And then again, I didn't really ever experienced love anyways, only rejection and worthless crushes, I admired the people that got married right after high school, so what do I know about the big word that is "love", in my case it could be anything, yes he was a stranger but at the same time he wasn't.

I looked up, maybe this was life giving me a chance, maybe levi was going to be the one thing I will not mess up, the only thing I will have the courage to face. I looked at my right hand again and again, but suddenly one thing, one thought was getting my small hopes down, what if he doesn't feel the same, or what if those feelings are already for someone else?

I grabbed the phone Armin lent me, because in addition of being a terrified and stressed mess, I am stupid, and I didn't even look for my phone ever since I lost it. I called Armin, I sounded really desperate and tired. I tried my best to calm my voice, I didn't even know why I was calling him, was I going to tell him about Levi ? After a final ring, his sweet voice replied " oh Eren what's up? Ready for tonight ?"  
Why didn't I text him, I hate phone calls, now I have to talk to someone, I think I'm secretly a masoshist , or a dumbass.  
"Eren?" " oh-hey, hi, um about that I-need....well maybe you could...just-I" the same sweet toned voice replied " Eren breathe I can't understand a word you're saying" he sounded almost amused, It reminded me when we started being friends, when I couldn't even type his phone number without having my hands shaking like crazy, or when Armin didn't reply in the hour I wanted to run to his house and apologize because I thought I said something wrong.  
We've come a long way.  
I took a deep breath.  
" what I want to say is that... I'm not ready for tonight, because of something " a small pause occurred " what is it?" I didn't want an interview over the phone so I immediately responded " I'll tell you later, can you come at my place?" " Sure! Ehm Also, I tried to call Connie, Sasha, Annie and Reiner but they are all busy at the moment, so there's nobody to calm Jean if he goes crazy again, you have someone that can come instead ?"  
Fuck me, this is it. A disaster is coming, and how cute of Armin to think that I know someone besides him to invite. " well..no I don't know any-" at this moment Marco passed by again, with a big smile, shouting at a client that his drink was coming.  
Wait...this might actually work, I solidified my grip on the phone " Actually I do know someone..." Surprise full in his voice Armin replied " oh really?!" " yes, I'll tell you later if he's coming at our table or not , but no worries he'll be there " a small silent went by "that's contradictory but okay?" I had to hang up quickly before my adrenaline goes away for ever " you'll see, later Armin!" " yeah sure see you Eren". 

I was smirking really hard without realizing, this is perfect, Jean will leave me alone all night. I stood up ready to leave, I made my way between the chairs and tables and got to the bar, Marco was cleaning the counter, I put on the most casual face I could make and took a big breath (again). Weirdly with Marco I wasn't that shy, I don't know why, maybe because He looks like he couldn't hurt anyone, even a defenseless little worm.  
"Marco?" " what is it Eren?" "I just wanted to know, if you don't have too much work tonight, you could maybe hang out at my- well hum..our table ? I invited some friends"  
yes I managed to say it! Well I bugged at one point but it's still good right?  
Marco was sort of hesitating  
" they're cool people don't worry" ( except for Armin what I just said was a lie, a huge lie)  
" ok but I will be hanging out with you guys after I switch with my replacement, I will still have to take care of orders at the begging of the night " " Perfect! Thanks a lot! See you tonight then!" " Later !" 

I got out of the cafe, I almost wanted to laugh like a maniac, what have I gotten Marco into ? This poor angel's about to meet the devil.  
I continued to walk, and suddenly stopped not moving an inch, I looked straight in front of me, did I just invited someone to sit with me and some friends at some sort of public dance night without fleeing and trembling in terror? Damn Eren what's up with you? That hit my pride so good, it felt relieving, my confidence was somehow still out there even after all this time hiding out?

Levi POV  
I ran out....I fucking ran out, like a schoolgirl, like a shy teenage boy, what the hell is happening? And Hange is right again, there's no way we are not reincarnated or whatever because this warm touch, this electricity, it was so familiar, it was like I felt this a million times already. "Shit" I was almost running to work now out of stress, I lost every control I had over myself, why do I feel so defenseless when I'm around him? Glasses is going to make fun of me all day if I tell her. 

Now I really hope the kid is coming tonight, I can't go on like this, I need to tell him, he's probably going to think I'm crazy, but....  
I walked faster and faster, without realizing.

Wait a minute. No, this doesn't feel right, I can't do that. I have to stop my train of thoughts right there, I swore on my life to never get into a hopeless relationship again and what am I even thinking confessing to a stranger, a fucking stranger that I know nothing about except his name, a kid, a guy ?  
Me falling for a guy that I know from reincarnation, fucking reincarnation that Hange manipulated me into, and me falling for her lies? I would laugh at that, and I would laugh at me thinking that he's cute and I would laugh at me having thoughts about him topping me....What did I just say?  
I should stop trying to convince myself that I like him because I do...no wait I DON'T, I don't....

I felt a hand on my head, I raised it and saw no other than Hange, with this ever cocky grin of hers.  
" heeeelllloooo Levi !! Am I interrupting some "important thoughts?" " please don't give me a migraine already"  
" don't change the subject " " what subject?" " oh come on ! Make my job easier"  
I'm such a bad liar, but I need to protect my thoughts from her and her shitty plans.  
" I don't know what your are talking about "  
Hange's brows furrowed and her glasses became all shady and foggy at my last sentence, I backed up just to be safe but, she was to fast and gabbed me by my collar, raising me up from the ground  
" let go of me !" " Levi,Levi,Levi, don't play those games with me..."  
My eyes widen and I knew I was fucked right a this moment, she had something in mind and it, of course had to do with Eren.  
" I spent hours of research so that you little old guy, could get laid and get back his soulmate from an ancient lifetime, so stop being so childish and stop ignoring what I can see from miles"  
And of course Hange was screaming that sentence in the streets,in front of our work place,in front of some pedestrians and coworkers, like I gave zero fucks about my reputation.  
"Hange ! Shut up don't scream that ! And let go I just ironed that shirt !"  
She dropped me on the street, I fell on my ass and my hands were in contact with the floor, the floor where everybody walks and spits and walks their dogs and...  
" you are going to pay for this four eyes, you hear me you little shit?!"  
Hange glared at me with the most violent expression I've ever seen her pull out  
" you better follow me " I wanted to throw a light pole at her but for a moment I realized something, she was being a real friend and she probably wanted me to find someone after every one night stands and actual relationships I've been through, but I was being the stubborn bitch I've always been and I refused to admit the obvious, I don't wanna say that I like him cause it's hopeless anyway. Without letting any of those thoughts take control of my voice, I roughly accepted my fate.  
" fine "she raised me from the ground and ruffled my hair " good boy !" " but please for the love of God don't scream and never do that again " " I Won't! Promise!"  
At least I got the "normal" Hange back, if I can call this thing a normal human being. I took a breath and said " if everything is fine let's go to work and talk about it afterwards" " I took us a day of" " you did what?" " c'mon Levi since when have we taken a day of?" " But Hange we...had meetings and important stuff" who am I trying to convince really?  
" Yes but that can wait when you're about to retrieve memories from your past life" " what the fuck are you talking about now"  
" You'll see" " kill me now" " Levi trust me, please" " Do I have the choice ?" " no".  
I then followed her silently to, I supposed was her flat , which was three subway stations from here. This awesome ride was composed of questions half answered, and me trying to change the subject desperately. After what felt like an eternity we finally arrived to that freaks apartment, I haven't been there since two weeks,and god knows how much can change in a few days. Hange opened the wooden front door and we entered into total chaos. This mess was actually suppose to be her living room, the plastic chairs and the white dining table were covered with piles of papers and books, the marble chimney that normally contrasted with the beige walls, was now some sort of gallery were drawings and sketches were put up.  
" Make yourself at home" " Can you call this a home? Has tornado being here recently?" " If by tornado you mean me, well yes " " Pretty obvious since you live there" " Well you're the one who asked" " This conversation doesn't make any sense" " Well follow me and listen to this instead"  
I followed her on her red couch, that was straight out of an old erotic movie, I ignored the mess that surrounded us from everywhere, and tried to focus on something, to make me forget the thought of someone owning this couch before and doing weird things with it, I tried to focus on her rambling.

" So " she pulled up an enormous beige file, secret agent type, and started to open it making some papers fly around, some were pictures, and I really didn't want to know what was on them.  
She continued " I did some research on your boy and reincarnation " " some research? It looks like you've robbed a library" " are you saying this to hide the fact that you are blushing so hard at the word " your boy " or?" " shut up..." " anyways, I've read a billion articles on reincarnation and you will never believe this, remember the sketches I've drawn ?" " sure" " well, on this forum where a question about reincarnation symptoms were asked, I actually found some people who's profile picture were matching my sketches!" " there's no way in hell they are all real people that have been reincarnated " " see for yourself" she picked up some pictures and screenshots of side by side comparison of her drawings and the real people, my eyes couldn't get any wider, they matched perfectly, the little blond girl had the same eye color and face features, she didn't have quite the same haircut but the resemblance was too strong even with this hairstyle. She then pulled more of those pictures and read to me the chat discussion Hange had with them, they all seemed to remember Hange, even though I couldn't remember anyone entirely besides Eren and some details like the clothes or places, but those people did feel familiar in a weird way, like I knew them.  
We discussed for 2 hours and I was somehow convinced, I tried not to question this situation and just went with it, but I still haven't had the answer to my most important question.  
" ok, I get it we are reincarnated from a world where humanity was menaced and almost extinct, but what is the story, who was I ?who were you? What was my relation with Eren and the others? " " slow down, I have two things for that " " you do ? " I almost jumped with excitement and a smile almost made it's way on my face, but my eyes were surely brighter than usual, Hange had a softened expression " yes I do, first of all.." She moved from the couch to her desk she stumbled some stuff and took out a notebook " this is what I recovered from my memories and dreams, since you talked to me about Eren and the sketches, I've been obsessed with retrieving memories and understanding this world " she handed me the notebook, I wanted to read it right away but she continued and got out a little pill. " this, my friend, is a memory pill, I've gotten the recipe online and this is how I wrote everything that's in there" Every envy I felt left my body, I looked at the pill terrorized " it's made with natural plants and other things " " no, I'm not taking it " Hange had now a shocked expression, her eyes were round and her mouth moved into a small duck face " ok..., well I thought you wanted to know what happened" " you know very well that I hate your homemade concoctions with whatever weed you have around your dirty house " "you know what I'm going to do ?" " no ?", she turned her back from me, and that was also not a good sign " I'm sending you home " " you're kicking me out? " "exactly !" She went in front of me, grabbed my arm and in less than a movement I was out the door " what is wrong with you today? " " nothing! I just thought you needed some rest, you've got a big night coming Levi" " what...?" The only response I had was a door slamming in front of my face, I stood there for a good minute, trying to proceed what just happened. 

I guess I'm heading home...it annoyed me so much that I was d doing what Hange ordered me to do, but where else could I go? Work? I've taken a day of apparently, the coffee shop? Well there's a good chance that he's still there, so home is the only option, maybe she is right and I need rest, to realize the fact that we're frecking reincarnated. Holy shit I've already forgot about that. On my way home, I tried to imagine what it was like, to live as some kind of soldier, who was I? I love the fact that Hange accepted that, like it's an every day thing, because it's difficult to swallow for me, how would you react?  
I arrived in front of my door, I live in a kinda small flat but it was spotless and that's all that matters. I have a living room mixed with a kitchen. There is a leather black couch and two chairs in the same material around a white coffee table, all of that was on a white dustless rug. On the left there was my trusty bar counter with kitchen shenanigans, and my room and bathroom were on the other side of some doors on the right side.  
I took of my black vest and put it on the coffee table I then threw myself on my couch, I looked at the ceiling an arm on my forehead, trying to calm myself, but I was already disturbed by the fact that my vest was laying around when it should be hanging in the dressing. I swiftly pulled myself up and grabbed the vest, but while holding it, it felt quite heavy, even though my phone and keys were out of the pockets already, I decided to inspect the other pocket and my hand felt something unknown, it was the notebook and the pill that Hange sneaked up in my vest. " I swear that crazy son of a.." I took the pill and the notebook and put those both on my kitchen bar thing.  
I wanted to throw away the pill right now, but I was to eager to read the notebook, and a little voice inside my head ordered me not to get rid of it , so the pill was left there near me, as an extreme temptation I was imposing to myself. I focused on the notebook and I managed to read a few pages, trying to imagine the scenes and put faces on hange's complex descriptions. 

I've read the all thing in less than an hour, my face was stuck with shock and realization, but I needed more, I needed to know about Eren, and of course Hange's memories couldn't have anything to do with me and him. I lowered my back while sitting on a stool, which was kind of perilous, I let out a sigh and calmed myself, but of course I had to meet eyes with that fucking pill again, I glared at it really hard, why the fuck was I trying to intimidate a pill? I stood up determined to throw the damn thing, I approached the trash, my foot pushed the pedal to open it, I was so close to throw it but my mind just couldn't let go, " argh fuck it " I was pissed at myself already for doing this, I stepped back poured myself a cup of water and swallowed the stupid pill. " this better work it's magic".

 

Eren POV 

I was typing rapidly when my doorbell startled me, I realized it was Armin, I jumped from my chair and walked to the door, my heart was racing and some knots were tearing my stomach apart from the terrible anxiety attack I was having. I opened the door and saw a cheerful Armin, boiling with impatience. " hey come-come on in " " Eren...? What is it?" " wait till we sit down first " " you're having red patches again" " uh what?" " I looked down on my chest and below my collarbone, my skin was bright red, this happens whenever I'm in huge stress, for example before every oral presentation I had to do in high school, I would always have those charming red plaques on my chest area. " it's nothing, they'll go away" " I know but, is something wrong ?" Armin was worried now, for literally a stupid crush of mine, Jesus it's nothing Eren, talk about it to your best friend godamit " No it's nothing to be worried about, but I do have something to talk to you about" " then tell me " " it's about someone " " who ?"  
I guided Armin towards my room, I sat on my bed, he followed me and sat in my desk chair in front of me.  
" this somebody is a sort of stranger, who I suddenly was in awe of because he fitted perfectly for a character in my book, I then developed a weird crush, and embarrassed myself in front of him multiple times , at first he seemed like he didn't really care, but yesterday he acted weird so I almost aggressed him to get to know his name, then this morning We touched hands, and that felt so cliché but so arousing, that I want him so bad now, and since this morning I feel like I can faint at any moment, because if he comes tonight I know I'm going to do something stupid and he will never lend those beautiful blue eyes on me again" I've said this entire sentence closing my eyes and clenching my fists , I almost wanted to hide, like a kid that hides from a thunder behind his hands or under his sheets , I didn't want to open my eyes, I felt heat from my cheeks . The weight that I felt left, but I had to face the consequences of saying all of this story to my friend, even though Armin will be ok with me becoming whatever I want, I couldn't help but to feel shameful when I talk about my feelings and stuff that happened to me. I felt a hand on my shoulder, I opened my eyes and saw Armin staring at me with a calm and surprised expression. " Eren, I didn't really get all of that, but I will help you, why haven't you told me sooner" " I'm sorry , I guess I still have some troubles opening my thoughts to people completely, not that I don't trust you of c-course" " I understand no worries, anyways I guess you didn't invited me just for that" The blonde had his eyes narrowed, and his mouth was thinner " please wipe that smirk of your face, I'm about to collapse" " tell me what's wrong"  
" so I realized, I needed help with my outfit, since I've never been anywhere else besides my house and the coffee shop...and if he comes, I wanted to wear something nice " " well my friend you've made the right choice" Armin got up from the bed, and walked towards my closet " oh god " " so let's see". He started to browse through my tees and since all of them are monochrome it was really boring for something that meant to be a dance night, even though I was only going to write, and hope that Levi is not coming, all of this preparation was just in case, it's ridiculous because deep down, I really wanted him to come, but it will end up with me falling, or me bumping into him and spill watermelon juice on him or whatever. The blonde was still rumbling in my dressing, he was mumbling stuff to himself, to distract myself I tried to write some more. I wonder what Levi would wear, I imagine something super classy and tight on his chest, or a simple longed sleeved sweater or a super skinny jean that fits his gorgeous ass- " Eren you're drooling " Armin's voice and a green piece of fabric got me out of my ,um, small daze, I looked up and apparently the blonde had found me an outfit. He handed me an oversized forest green " dress " sweatshirt with a hood and my "favorite" pair of black jeans, that I haven't wore since college. " I think this will go well together "  
" thank you, I really don't know in what I would've showed up in if you weren't here" " haha, no worries, and plus I think you would've showed up just fine !" " c'mon we both know I have the fashion sense of someone named Joshua, that has been living in a fucking cave since he was born" "don't be so hard on yourself, you wear clothes a least! " " why wouldn't I wear clothes" " remember college when we first met Jean ?" " no, oh god please no" Armin bursted out of laughter, when I was having a second cringe attack. " don't make me remember that awful moment that I swore to banish from my memories" "guess it's to late".  
That's it, I was reviving the moment. It was the first year of college for Armin and I, we managed to have a dorm room together, two days had passed without me doing something awkward.  
Armin left the dorm early this day, and I didn't have any classes so I decided to take a hot shower since it was the only thing that calmed me down at the time, so I got out of the shower naked, like any human being who just took a shower, I was in front of the beds with my clothes in hand and my boxers that I was about to put on, and at this moment a complete stranger opened the fucking the door, this stranger's name was Jean we had a calculus class together, we were both bright red and we couldn't move, so first I just got into the "D"club with a random dude, and of course it was at this moment that Armin went back to take his dorm key and lock the door he forgot to lock. So we were, the three of us, starring at each other in shock, I was the first to move, to obliviously get dressed and Jean ran away from the room. I explained myself to Armin, that had just witnessed, an...interesting scene. The next day we saw Jean at the cafeteria, I wanted to apologize to him, even if I technically didn't do anything wrong. After this awkward apology, we sat a his table and had lunch, and we are still friends to this day. But Jean didn't used to be this, easily drunk douchebag full of pride, when we first met him he was kind with people, well he was still an asshole to me and some other people, but he has always been kind to Armin. Anyways that's the story of why we know and hang out with Jean.  
Armin continued, " anyways what's his name?" " who ?" " your stranger crush" " it's Levi, is it you feeling something again ?" " since you showed me your book actually, I don't know why " " you should be a psychic " " Na " " why not? " " I have to many voices in my head already" "..."  
" anyways it's time to go !" " Already!?" " yes get your ass changed and we're going".  
I got dressed in a second, we left my flat and I almost forgot to zip my flyer, well that saved my evening and what's left of my reputation.  
We had a chill walk to the cafe, we entered and the place was unrecognizable, they were yellow pink and white lights at every corners of the room, the bar, that could apparently be moved, had switched to the back of the coffee shop, the tables had disappeared leaving a nice space for the dance floor, the booths were all around the dance floor, they were forming an upside down" L " shape, otherwise some stools were placed. But my biggest surprise yet was on the left side of the cafe,were the bar used to be, a bull riding machine was installed, why the fuck did Marco installed this atrocity, the bull had practically no face and the mattresses, that were suppose to softened the fall, were almost pierced and flat. I glared a this horror machine, This was going to make a lot of noise, this was going to attract a lot of people and attention, and I was definitely not the type of person to go on that stuff. I noticed that some people were already there enjoying some George Michael or socializing and sipping a beer, I tried to look for Marco, he was unboxing some boxes of alcohol, we walked towards him.  
" hey Marco " " welcome back Eren, who's this?" He pointed Armin and I made the presentations " Marco this is Armin my best friend and Armin this is Marco my....um....best barista" an awkward smile made it's way on my face, well so much for saying I wasn't shy with Marco. " nice to meet you Armin! I guess I will get to know you better later tonight, follow me guys I'll show you to your booth" " okay " we responded together. Marco guided us to a far away booth in the back next to the bar, we were near the dance floor but it was weirdly not very occupied at this spot, the only problem was going to be the drunk people, but I could work with that, bieng with Jean all this time turned me into an ice wall of soberness, little that I know that later, alcohol was going to be the only thing keeping me stable. We thanked Marco and sat at our confy red booth, Armin struggled to get to the other side of the couch because he was wearing shorts, in spring..., this child had no awareness of the seasons I swear. When he finally sat, I had already taken out my laptop, with my Microsoft word tab opened, he smirked slightly and his lid were almost covering his eyes in a challenging expression " so you're still holding on on writing even when you know that Jean is going to come?" " I will not surrender to that horse, I need to write and I will do it" " we'll see later in the night" the blonde's smirk was wider and it only made me write faster, I knew that Jean was going to be an annoying little bit-" speaking of the wolf" the blonde interrupted my determined head monologue. Jean entered and holy to the fuck no, I knew that it wasn't my eye bugging out when I saw him already half drunk, struggling to walk straight " fuck this I'm leaving" I got ready to go backpacking in Madagascar, when a hand caught my wrist, I turned my head to face Armin with a demonic smile on his face " what about Levi?", why was my only best friend turning on me now? " who is Levi ?" I recognized Jean's tipsy voice, I needed to dodge the question immediately " hello Jean" " wassup Jaeger, still a virgin?". Well my reputation just dropped because I think that the all Bar is now aware of my in capability to have my first time, yeah that's a nice way to start the evening, and yes I was still a virgin, but maybe my constant self consciousness and me always doing something stupid had to do something with it. Even if I had prepared for this event, and even if I really wanted to see Levi, I got ready to leave again because of the ball of tears I was keeping inside of my throat right now, I suddenly heard Armin's voice again " c'mon Jean don't be an asshole " in a drunk voice doing ups and downs Jean tried to reply " .....I'm not...being an hole!" Armin grabbed Jean's arm and pulled him on the couch " that's very nice Jeanbo now come sit down, you too Eren". The blonde glared at me with a determined look, I knew I had to trust him with Jean. I calmed down and sat back, I was going to do what I always do when I am with him, which is ignoring every remarks and stories that he has to tell. I continued to write and Jean was about to tell one of his many stories, I forgot to mention that Jean, after loosing many jobs because of his temper, works as a bartender in the center of the city, he has always dreamt to work in a busy place full of rich people, another of his twisted ideas. His dream was kind of achieved, but the guy had started drinking ever since, he also has the habit of telling us the weirdest stories that happened between him and his customers. He started to ramble on and I was to busy with my writing to hear his monologue on how good looking was his co worker and the blonde girl that always came early in the morning. I sometimes out of curiosity and stress relieving reasons, listen to some bits of his tale, thing that I never did before to avoid having to face some remarks he was gonna make. I eventually got tired of it and went back to my laptop.

An hour had passed, and still no sign of Levi, maybe it's better this way, I think I wouldn't have been able to talk to him anyways. I sat back and let a soft sigh come out of my mouth, I felt disappointed, even if I didn't want him to come I felt empty inside, it feels like I was going to go back to a routine of loneliness and jealousy of the soulmate myth. I received a little kick of the leg from Armin, I guess he noticed that I haven't talk for an hour and that my face had melted in a blank expression, the blonde sent me a worried look. Our glaring session was interrupted by some screaming, that alarmed the three of us, we raised our heads, the screaming came of course from the bull riding machine that was already being use by drunk people, a tall guy, with an empty glass of alcohol in hand was rinding the machine. Marco's assistant was controlling it, the bull's movement were slow and only sideways, but as the time passed, the girl controlling the machine started to make the beast turn all the way around, the bull was tipping forward, backwards, sideways, it turned right and left in a second, but the electronic animal jerked forward his nose touching the safety mattresses, throwing the tall guy on the floor. The worst part was that this guy was so drunk that he simply laughed it of and got back to his group of friends. Jean and Armin were still talking and I noticed that the dance floor wasn't that active, some people, well some couple were almost humping here and there but it wasn't this noisy for a dance night, but I wasn't going to complain since I came here to write and nothing else. I got back to my writing and checked the bull riding machine with my two other pals, we were making making bets on how long each contestant was going to stay. Everything was calm until I saw this shadow, my blood froze in place, I checked the shadow twice,thrice, but the single shadow became two, a smal and a tall one walking next to each other, in a soft whisper to myself I let out the name " Levi...?", there was no doubt Levi came, but with a tall blonde kind of company, my pupils couldn't be more dilated, I analyzed the situation and it felt like 9th grade again, winter dance party saw my crush taken away. My glared followed them to a table with half a booth and two chairs, and the last bit of hope I had for them being " just friend" were dead, this fucking dude just pulled out the chair for him, Levi rolled his eyes but still, what the hell. I again thought that a love story could work, that I would be...happy? A mix of voices interrupted me, my eyes tried to focus on the people who were calling my name , when my senses got back, I recognized Marco, and my two friends . They apparently called me multiple times, and they were not stopping, " Eren?" " jaeger?" Eren....?" My eyes twisted back to Levi's table which was almost across of mine, a girl was applauding, she was way too cheerful for a dance night, with my luck they were engaging or something.The voices came back, all my brain could get out of the mumbles was " do you want anything to drink?" , I tried to respond a coffee, a chai latte, yeah that could be nice, I glanced at their table again, the blonde was eye fucking him from miles, what does this always happens to me? that's it, fuck this  
" yes Marco, some vodka, a glass, yeah a glass, wait...you know what ? A fucking bottle would be great" Armin, with worry full in his voice " Eren what the hell?" Jean completely drunk by now " yeah that's the spirit Jeager! " I mumble to myself a " fuck me " of despair, when Jean talked again " by the way Marco is cute, you know him? "  
"What?"...

Levi's POV  
" you sure it's a good idea?" " omygod loosen up my little rat", I let out a small laugh " you should tell that to Erwin, he looks even less fun than usual, did you put a death threat on his face or what, when he heard the plan he almost fainted " " Levi please don't drown me even more, and plus I have a girlfriend of 9years so it's normal that I'm feeling uncomfortable " " I swear you to are party bumers " " this is a joke to you ? After all the serious shit you put me through this afternoon ?" Hange's mock full voice responded again" no worries Levi you'll get laid " " you..." Erwin grabbed my wrist right on time," Hange please stop" " you guys are really NO FUN " " you shit faced frog stop screaming! " .  
We weren't the one making the biggest ruckus, the three of us turned or heads to the bull ridding machine, that was meant in my opinion for drunk ass people in need of attention, like who would do something this vulgar....oh no  
" Ah" was the sound I let out, I dear hope that the two other idiots haven't heard anything.  
What I saw was so arounsing that I had to controlled myself to not let out a large ass moan right here. The sight of something this dirty could not be allowed.  
I maybe was imagining it in a sexualized way but the way Eren, my Eren was ridding this bull machine was breathtaking, the lines of his solid back, the way he was gripping with only one hand the mechanized bull was deviously appetizing. I was surprised I didn't drooled other my hand that was trying to cover my opened mouth.  
" we'll look at what we have here, right Levi?" Guess I failed then, Hange continued " I bet your imagining some beautiful imagery in that head of yours ", I didn't even responded and just admire the brunette even more. " I bet your imagining your old ass right behind him ", surprisingly Erwin's voice, our fucking boss by the way, made it's way into the conversation, " I think Levi would rather be at the bull's place " and just like that our table was dead silent, before Hange bursted out of laughter, she was knocking on the table, to try and grasp some air in her lungs.  
" what the actual fuck Erwin? Give me a good reason to not punch the shit out of you right know" " um you have a beer stain on your shirt?" I looked down at the hideous yellowish stain on my pure white shirt, " for fuck's sake ". I left the two assholes together and went to the bathroom in hope of cleaning the stain.

Erwin POV  
" don't you think that's to much?" I tried to put some sense into hange's drunk brain but there was no use " no you don't understand this idea is sick, so you have the wedding ring you're supposed to propose to Mary with right ? "  
" Yes" " well do as if your proposing to Levi with it " " do you want your boss dead?" " pretty please???" " No, never in a million years, or you're not getting paid this month ". Hange crossed her arms on the table and put her chin in the crook of the crossed limbs like a child, the noise from earlier seems to have calmed down a bit, suddenly hange's voice stood up again " can I see it at least ?" " what ?" " the ring of course " " yes if you want but don't damage it in any way" " oh c'mon you can trust your good old pal Hange". I handed her the ring I kept in my jacket pocket, I keep it with me all the time, for when I finally propose to Mary...hange's sudden grin interrupted my thoughts, she gave me the ring back and all I've heard was the sound of fast footsteps and the sight of a zigzagging brunette going near the restrooms.

Eren's POV  
God that vodka was a good idea, I never felt so alive , guess it's time to go and confess to that hobbit, shit were was his table again? The alcohol made my vision a bit loopsy but I couldn't have mistaken that golden ring for something else than an engagement ring. I felt my head spin a lot a hole lot more and my heart squeezed in a nauseous manner. There it was again this feeling of getting all of your hopes crushed down, even the drinking couldn't erased the shame I felt. I suddenly needed to splash or drown myself in cold water, not knowing what to do legs trembling I ran to the bathroom.

Levi POV  
I got out of the restrooms, I pushed the door and something, rather someone's neck crook ended up in my face, I looked up and saw my beautiful angel with the most hurt expression I've ever seen. I immediately in a reflex grabbed his hand, despite the embarrassment that hit my face. But suddenly oh it speaks! " um, hey " a warm vodka scented breath tickled my nose but it didn't matter speak again bright angel! " I-I-I gotta go " " no, Eren what's wrong ?" I held onto his arm, he waited a little then turned back to me, with tears so clear that it looked like he held onto that pain for an eternity.  
" what's wrong,....is......is that I lov-I want to be more than an acquaintance, even though we know nothing about each other I-I feel like we're the same, and I want to be even more than friends or best friends"  
This sentence cut my breath, his hand was suddenly freezing, the air was chiller too, and why was he covered in blood suddenly ? Why did it had to happen?  
" Levi, I love you and I don't know how I can say this to someone I barely know "  
The words of the present were mixing with the images of the past, I suddenly pulled the arm that was covered in dirt and blood, I gripped his shoulders that bore the brown jacket with the wings that marked our desperate faith in future and happiness, I then looked in the brightest of lights that were his eyes, eyes that saw to many things, too young, the next thing I felt were lips, soft and warm, when they were supposed to be cold like I remembered , this kiss was worth a thousand love letters a thousand words, it was our very last confession even though we didn't even speak, but something was different, not something.. everything,it felt like it wasn't going to be the last kiss, I felt many more to come, many more memories to be created.  
The present was back and all I could feel was lips against mine and hot tears that rubbed against my cheeks. I pulled back the contact and admired the sad and flushed face of my soulmate.  
" so wait... you're single?" " we have a lot to talk about " was all I could Manage to say before falling back into the madness that were his lips, I don't know what he was talking about but I was more concentrated on kissing him than anything else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chap we'll get some action going, so hold on tight !  
> No promises on when the next one will be up though, but I'll work on it every time I have a break.  
> I hope you liked that kiss mixed with reincarnation I tried my best ;)  
> Anyways Thanks again u guys and see you ♪( ´▽｀)/


	4. Painkiller and espresso

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A late Happy new year ! Wish u the best ! 
> 
> On to less fun stuff  
> First of all sorry for the huge delay and the short chapter  
> Sadly I don't know when the next update will be  
> Life has it's ups and downs u know.
> 
> But I'm not letting this fic down !  
> So I hope you will enjoy it  
> and thank u for taking the time to read it :)

Bacosp! Chapter 4: painkillers and espresso 

Eren POV  
I woke up, or at least tried to, my head was aching like crazy and a bitter taste was on the tip of my tongue. I recognized the white celling of my room and sighed.  
I stood up and rested my tensed back on my headboard, something was feeling wrong, I was stiff and it felt like a thousand arrows were clenched to my shoulders.  
I definitely needed a painkiller or I was never going to get up, on the way to my kitchen I noticed a small yellow note on my counter, picking it up I realized it was Armin's hand writing  
" I left some leftovers and an Advil, call me when you feel better. -Armin".  
Feel better? I let out to myself, now something was definitely going on, I glanced at my microwave, the clock was showing 3pm, a small shock made me realize that it has been ages since I slept for this long. I pinched the bridge of my nose and sighed some more, what the hell is happening, as I felt the pressure of an anxiety attack coming, I grabbed the medication and swallowed it cracking my neck.  
I breathed slowly grabbed Armin's phone and called him.  
After a few rings he picked up:  
" hello Armin here " " hey.." " omg Eren are you feelling okay?!" "Yes, well my head hurts and I feel confused as fuck but I'm fine" " that's normal when you're hungover don't worry " " hum...Armin that can't be the case, you do know that I rarely drink right " " tell that to the Eren that almost chugged down an entire bottle of vodka " " what ?" " Don't tell me that you don't remember".  
I sat down and took deep breaths, this was not okay, if I don't remember what I did, it can only lead to horrible consequences. At this point Armin's voice was kind of screeching thru the phone speaker. I cracked my neck and breathed again. "I don't" "you mean at all?" "at all", I swallowed, "would you mind telling me what the fuck did I do" "well..buckle up sugar cup".

And this is how I learned that I drank vodka all night, rode the bloody bull machine, I lost to Jean at a shot contest, and that...Marco took drunk Jean home and the only information we have is a picture of Jean doing a victory sign next to a sleeping Marco. You bet that during the integrality of this phone call I said things like : you got to be fucking kidding me, are you sure ?, I can't believe this shit, and the list goes on. But like I said, I trust Armin with my life so I had to accept that whatever I decided to do last night, I did.

Speaking of which, I really can't recall what pushed me to get drunk, Armin didn't have a an answer either, he just said that I looked in the distance for five minutes,looking like a beaten dog, and woke up to order the famous vodka. The only thing I remember though is hearing Jean's story and seeing Levi in the distance. Apparently Armin didn't mention him so, I must've left him alone the whole night, witch was the best possible outcome, I somehow felt relieved and kind of disappointed at the same time, but it is a common feeling for my exhausted mind.  
After reassuring Armin my instinct craved some caffeine. After getting dressed up really slowly, I dragged myself to the coffee shop feeling my heart squirt as I hoped that everyone forgot what happened last night. Let's say that my cringeometer was at it's highest point.

Walking in the cold with a simple sweater was also not the best idea, the frozen wind wiping my face and body, the spring chill air was making my red cheeks even redder, this is why despite my love for the cold weather I couldn't thank it for making my blush more present than it already is. I walked in the familiar street, watching out for any poles on my way down. 

Maybe the events of last night were the cause but I had this tension of post depression again, you know this blankness inside that stops you from doing anything, even the things you love. I rarely go out but when I do I always have some regrets, because those happy times where I can do what the fuck I want don't last, this is also why I never drink, being so drunk you feel like you can do anything is relieving to me, but it can't last for a lifetime.  
I didn't even now why I was going to the cafe because I wasn't inspired, I was more in a sorrow, thinking "what is the point to keep on hoping for success, money or love."  
I was trying, always pushing myself into hopes that were so mere that even a 4 year old could see thru this bullshit, my crush on stranger Levi was a perfect example,  
I would rather work at Disneyland than keep on hoping that I'm going to go out with Levi, because at least at Disney hopes don't die, I guess.

I pass a hand on my face and thru my hair, I raised my head, looking at people walking around me, all carelessly living life, not worrying over anything. 

Since I was born, I felt like I always had a goal, and growing up, my strongest belief was that life is precious, and worrying was a sort of defense mechanism for the perfectionist that I am.  
What I'm trying to say is that yolo but don't fuck up your chance at life.  
I was rambling so much that I forgot that Levi could be here at any moment. At the thought of that my heart was back at it's normal speed of 1000bpm

I arrived, retrieved the usual smell and cosiness that made me feel comfortable, I sighted Marco and couldn't help but think about the picture that Jean sent and the fact that they probably hook up. I walked to the counter and looked at the menu, which was pointless because I knew it by heart, I was only trying not to think about the fact that evil Jean probably ruined Marco, other than that I didn't feel embarrassed...at all. 

I finally took a moment to compose myself and order the simplest thing that could slip on my tongue, espresso, after I greeted my freckled buddy of course.  
He seemed...happy ? His smile could somehow grow bigger than usual?

I decided to let it flow and sit down at my usual spot in the coffeshop, when I was finally able to breathe fully again, I sat straight and started to work again, but of course it's exactly at this moment that a familiar stature made it's way into the cozy warm room. Levi was there, and I didn't know what to do anymore, it's not that my weird feelings changed about him, it's just that all I could feel was nothing, what was the point, why bother anymore..?  
A person sitting in front of me caught me out of my gaze, when I realized that it was him I almost choked on my own spit, my hands were shaking and I could already feel the benefit from the coziness I was feeling making space for a heart beating really painfully fast.  
I tried to say something, but apparently my mouth was now a Colton field.  
He said something to break the silence.  
" so you're back on your feet?" " w-what ? " " hum, you know that you were so drunk yesterday that you fell in my arms, and I had to deal with your blonde friend that was having a mental breakdown because you never drink alcohol"  
Trying to not think about what he just said, I felt my chest and throat burning, not of admiration but of pure stress and terror, I took a quiet breath and tried to respond something  
" yhea Armin told me that I was drunk, and to be fair I can't really remember what I did last night, and I apologize for it " " don't apologize..."  
Levi seemed defeated, and it was weird, did I do something? I could see that he wanted to say something, but he kept on hesitating.  
" Eren, do you recall kissing me ?"  
The brutal honesty and those simple words made me pale as a sheet, my eyes were wide opened and my mouth was split in shock. I did what?  
" that's what I thought, you don't remember" " I-I'm-Levi I'm so sorry, what can I do to..., my god I'm so fucking stupid and embarrassing and-"  
He grabbed my fucking hand, that were sweaty as a waterfall by the way.  
" Don't, why are you like this? If I said that I enjoyed and wanted more than a kiss last night will you still react this way ?"  
I was astonished and no words could be going in or out, my heart felt a rather strong pain and my eyes hurt. I was crying, letting that repressed anxiety go with the tears, I couldn't stop, I didn't know if I was sad or happy. I could only have blank in my head and pain in my heart.  
My hand was squished harder, and I felt Levi's hand wiping my tears away, I stared in his eyes, and found relief in them, but when I saw that he was smiling tenderly, I couldn't help but to finally take my ultimate cure. I leaned and kissed him, I couldn't care less if we were strangers or not, I needed it.  
His lips were cold, mines were hot, even if both of them were chapped I only could feel softness and a tiny hint of a new feeling, passion.  
We parted, but I only pushed him back for more grabbing his neck, letting my doubts and fears into him, I was still crying but it didn't matter.  
Everything felt right, it was like returning to a home, it was were I belonged.  
We tried to overcome each other's mouth, kissing deeply and searching for our tongues, he took control and found mine adding fuel to the fire.  
We stopped for air, but he leaned towards my ear and whispered  
" you did well Eren, don't push yourself, I understand that weight on your shoulders"  
I didn't know what he was referring to but, those words were the ones I needed to ear everyday.  
I glanced at his ice looking eyes and said  
" thank you"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading, it means a lot :')  
> See you next time and take care!

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, that means a lot to me. \0/  
> If you want you can comment typos you have seen, mistakes, weird plot shit that doesn't make sense or simply Give a review or a kudo If you appreciate it.  
> If you have ideas or want to see another chapter let me know too.  
> Anyways thank you again for reading and have a good one :)


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